Surrendering to Emptiness
by Alice Sullivan
Summary: Bella was abandoned. She wears a mask of happiness, the only true joy she now feels is cause by the blades she hides. She has lived in a facade for some time but what happens when someone returns?
1. Simple introduction to a simple girl

It's easy to smile here, students, happy faces all around. It's easy not to think about the past or future, with them as a meaningless distraction. Distraction or not it all catches up to you sometime. Maybe that time is when the bell rings and your left standing alone in the hall while students run for their classes.

They all leave. Just like he did.

It's hard when I get home and memories come running back to my mind. I wish they would just stop and I didn't have to think of him or the family that left me. I smile at Charlie and give a light chat over dinner. At first, I could see the worry twisting in the corner of his eye but now, months later, any hint of that is gone. I'm a good actor. Charlie watches the game as I clean up the mess from dinner. Soon after he goes off to bed, this is the hour that gets me through everything. I go to my façade; I take a shower before bed. I use the shower to cover my loving curse.

The alarm clock screeches for me to wake up. I don't want to move, my body is stiff and stricken with pain. Physical pain, mentally I've become numb and dead.

Charlie is already gone when I head to school. I put my mask on again and struggle holding the weight of my backpack on my left arm. A feeling grew in the pit of my stomach that it's going to be a long day. First hour, second hour, third hour, they all melt together but when fourth hour comes to an end and lunch starts I can't bring myself to enter the cafeteria. That's where I first met them… I make an abrupt stop and do a 180 which causes me to crash into something hard and fall to the floor. I probably ran into a wall again. My eyes are shut, I don't want to get up but I hear a voice, "Bella, I'm sorry, are you alright?"

My breath gets caught in throat, I know that voice. I force my eyes open and I see him. "…Jasper?"


	2. Look Around At All That Left

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed my first chapter, I know it was short I was supposed to be. Reviews and suggestions are love! Thank you! Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

_My eyes are shut, I don't want to get up but I hear a voice, "Bella, I'm sorry, are you alright?"_

_My breath gets caught in throat, I know that voice. I force my eyes open and I see him. "…Jasper?"_

"Bella," He said softly and gave a nod. He extended a stone cold hand to help me up but I declined. I close my eyes again. With in a second I really wish I hadn't because I couldn't stop the memories. "Bella," I open my eyes, he is now kneeling in front of me, "Are you alright?"

"Fine." I smile and get up, being the polite man he is, he picked up my bag. "Thank you. I should go."

"Bella, I need to speak with you."

I started to walk away but he caught me. I don't like his touch, I don't want him here. "Jasper, please, I cant deal with you right now."

His eyes drifted away and looked to a group of students who were staring. "Please, may we take this somewhere else?"

A sigh escaped my lips. He repeated "Please?"

"Alright."

I follow him out to a car I've never seen before, taking each step with care and hide my fear. I don't blame him for the events that took place on my birthday, I'm not afraid of that, I'm afraid of what he is going to tell me. We didn't talk as we walked or as he drove. He pulled to a stop when nothing and no one was in sight. I keep my eyes on my hands, pulling my sleeves down, trying with no avail to flex the fingers on my left hand. For a moment all was silent so I spoke first, "How's Alice?" I miss Alice, she was my best friend, I never got to say good bye.

"I'm not sure," there was a pause, "Bella, there is a few things I need to tell you..."

"Alright, I'm listening."

He waited for a minute gathering his thoughts, "First, I wanted to express just how sorry I am for causing-"

I cut him off, "Its alright Jasper, I don't blame you for anything."

"I'm so sorry I lost control," he said softly, "I would never want to hurt you... Neither would Edward, he didn't leave because he doesn't love you. He just doesn't want any harm to come to you."

I couldn't help but laugh, "He a super job with not hurting me."

"Why do you smell like blood Bella?"

I found myself chocking on my breath again, "I. I tripped."

He went quiet, he's thinking. Jasper was always quiet, staying away and out of everything much unlike Alice his wife. I find it hard to think of a time when I saw Jasper not at Alice's side. This is a first for me. "Jasper, does Alice know your here?"

"No," he said bluntly, "No one does."

"Why?"

"Why do you smell like blood?"

"I already told you," I raised my voice a little, "I tripped!"

I could feel a wave a calmness wash over me. I know he doesn't believe me but he doesn't know the truth either which is the most important thing.

"Why are you here,where is Alice?" I asked.

"I don't know... Bella, Alice and I are... no longer together..." His voice was soft again. What? I cant believe it. Jasper and Alice were the definition of love. I'm not saying anything, he's going to go on. He let out another sigh, "Alice and my love... has grown into that of a brother and sister. We've known that for some time now. I've left the family as well..."

"Why?!"

"I can't..." I could tell he was picking his words carefully, "I couldn't be around them after what I did to you. Carlisle didn't want me to leave, he still calls me once in a while which is how I knew you were is alone. The time alone gave me time to think..."

No. No, no, no, no. No! "Can you take me home?"

Feeling my emotion at this second worried him, I can see that, "Bella, wha-"

"Please, just take me home!"

The car came to life and he fell silent again. My world starts to haze over. I have to get out of this car. Jasper is trying to calm me down, I feel it, but in turn I'm just making him upset. Thank God, I see Charlie's house. I'm running up the steps, Jasper is saying something... but I cant listen. I cant think straight.

Lock door. Don't fall up stairs. Where are they? My fault. My fault.

When my hand finds my friend, I can think. Everything is clear and I look around at all that left. Emptiness. But I found a way to cope. My savior is this razor blade. I tore the Cullen family apart. How could I do something so horrible? I press the into skin, drag it across slowly. Tears bud in my eyes. The smell of blood turns my stomach. It was simply. My release, my love, my curse, its my secret that no one knows about. I have keep telling myself to breath because I always forget right about now.

I look down and curse under my breath, "Shit."

Thats a lot of blood, its coursing from the gash, pooling in my hand, streaming down my fingers, and finally hitting the floor.

This scene causes my world to shake again, with fear, joy, or relief I don't know.

Without warning, I hear something. A bang? Crash? My mind cant, wont, register it but it happens again, much closer this time. I turn, red eyes are glaring at me. Jasper broke through the doors. I could hear the growl growing in his chest. Suddenly, a monster was charging at me...


End file.
